Short Cup of Caramel Frappuccino

Guy 1:  I’m going to visit my girl today.  I can’t wait to see her.  

Guy 2:  Man shut your ol’ WHIPPED a$$ up.

Guy 1:  What?  I haven’t seen her in TWO months man.  She’s been doing missionary work in Nigeria, caught malaria and almost died.

Guy 2:  Get your WHIPPED a$$ out of my face.

There’s something about the word “whipped” that I loathe so very much.  I’ve never been called “whipped” because well I’m a young lady and we’re expected to be smitten with our boyfriends/husbands by society, but when you have a male who’s willing to break his neck to make sure his girlfriend continues to be happy he’s considered “whipped” by his boys…and sometimes his woman’s friends.  The word just has such a negative connotation to it which makes me hate it.  The word “whipped” is really another way of people trying to say, “Oh he’s in love.”  Men have such a negative look on love especially when it’s their friend that’s experiencing the emotion.  It’s almost like love is the ending road.  

I’ve always admired guys who would do anything for their woman and they have no alterior motive behind it, just because its the person they love.  I guess being “whipped” consist of driving two hours to see your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, declining invites to hang out with your boys at the strip club because your girlfriend is having horrible cramps or simply cooking her a dinner knowing good and well you can’t cook.  Any man who uses this word towards his friend is pretty much jealous and wishes they had the same thing.

I recently ordered Essence relationship columnist’s Demetria Lucas’s book A Belle In Brooklyn:  The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life and decided to pick it up today after taking a far too long break.  In the chapter, The Atlanta Fiasco, Demetria talks about her friend Eddie and how he was one of her top-five dates from the time they sat on the steps of the Jefferson Memorial just talking.  The quote that followed really struck a chord with me.

‎”When a guy has a personality and something to say, he doesn’t need to spend money to be memorable.”

Now I’m not the most experienced in the dating field, but I have to say this is true.  Of the three men I’ve gone out on dates with (two of which I’ve dated, the other was just…yeah) some of my favorite dates have been ones that just involve walking around talking.  I’m not saying every date a man takes you on should involve little to no money being spent, but I think you can find out if a man is a keeper from dates like this.  Dates where a ton of money is being spent is nothing more than a gimmick to me.  I know for a fact that there are men out there who think, “Well if I spend a lot of money on her she’ll ignore the fact that I don’t know how to carry a conversation because I have no life.”  I’ve had memorable dates that cost a nice chunk of change for a young adult in college and I’ve also had dates that involved doing the simplest things.

I’ve always felt that it’s the man’s job to plan dates so between my first boyfriend and my current boyfriend I must say my current boyfriend is in the lead for most memorable dates by a LONG stretch.  The most memorable date from my first boyfriend was Valentine’s Day 2009.  He came to visit me from Alabama dressed in his military uniform and gave me a teddy bear with matching dress blues.  He’s did other things that were sweet, but the further we got into our relationship it just seemed like going back to his house to watch a movie after eating was our typical date.  Yes, these are cheap dates but doing the same thing over and over doesn’t make anything “memorable” just routine.  He was always willing to spend a ton of money to see me or send me flowers for an anniversary, but he NEVER took the time out to really think of something I said I wanted to try out.

Now when it comes to my current boyfriend I might be biased in regards to our dates, but they’ve all been fabulous.  We’ve gone to the aquarium, ice skating, dancing, and a Kevin Hart show to name a few.  I think the most memorable date we’ve had though was when I was home for Spring Break this year.  What did he do you ask?  He cooked dinner for me.  That’s right.  Dinner.  Lemon pepper wings and mashed potatoes.  Sure it was nothing extravagant, but there was no wait to be seated or no waitress to constantly annoy us in hopes of receiving a larger tip.  Just he and I on a rainy day in March sitting in his kitchen eating a meal he took the time out to make and watching a movie in his room afterwards.  I think what made it so memorable was why he did.  I was constantly complaining about how my Mom never cooked meals anymore since I started college.  So the week before I came home he told me he was going to treat me to a home cooked meal. 

I also think this is a good way for a man to tell if a woman is really into him or what he has to offer financially.  A gold digger will become bored.  Any woman who truly loves you will be more than willing to take up a date offer that includes nothing more than laying on your couch while rubbing her feet and talking about politics or reflecting on previous good times that you’ve had.

So my friend @D_Blaze1 over at Tales of Smooth D (nice double entendre) decided to write a blog discussing why women get “psycho” in relationships.  In the beginning he discusses how someone says that men make women crazy and I’m here to say that someone was me.  Many of his points are valid, but these are EXACT reasons as to why men are truly the reason behind a woman turning into Brandi from A Thin Line Between Love and Hate.  I think I came very close to becoming one of these “psycho” women in my last relationship (thank God it didn’t happen) which is why I believe MEN are the catalyst behind this problem.

1. He’s personable and has female friends-Mr. Blaze says that as long as a woman is on her P’s and Q’s she shouldn’t have to worry about her man leaving her for the girl he claims is like his “sister.”  Well sir, I live in the South and incest is more than alive in some country hick towns.  Although your man won’t admit it, all males have that ONE female friend who would jump on his d*ck on him if given the opportunity.  I don’t care if they were born in the same hospital, in rooms next to each other, took baby baths together or lived next door to each other.  In the back of that b*tch’s mind she has questioned what IT would be like, even if it were for one night.  It doesn’t help when you go to her FIRST when you have problems in your life.  What’s the point of me being your girlfriend if you can’t tell me that your Mom found your porn collection under your bed recently?  This also ties into the lower self-esteem issues.  If we have to constantly hear about how wonderful La-a (pronounced La DASH A) Plus we as females see something different from ya’ll when we catch her looking at you.  It’s a look that screams, “I want his d*ck.”  

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• You get a text from them, roll your eyes, and just put your phone back down not even worrying about what it said.
• You get a Facebook IM from them and seriously contemplate on whether or not to respond.  “If I sign out right now he’ll know I just don’t want to talk to him.  Hmmm let me leave it open for a minute and just forget about it.”
• You know how you try to envision yourself sexually with someone?  Well if you try that with this person and end up scrunching your face up at the thought…yeah you’re not into them.
• You’re girls against about him and you just brush it off.  ”Who?  Oh, girl please. 
• You see them somewhere and look around for a place to hide in hopes of them not seeing you.
• If the previous option of hiding out fails you hope the two of you don’t make eye contact.  If eye contact occurs you simply wave or mouth the word, “Hey” ad rush off.
• When they call you you’ll try to get off the phone with them within the first 5 minutes, even if you’re NOT busy.
• You view them as a brother, more so a step brother
• You sit around thinking of excuses to use just in case they call you up to go out.
• You start going out with someone else on dates and don’t even care if they find out.
• The entire time while reading this you thought about how much of your time you wasted having to think about this person because of this post.  Sorry guys!

• You go out of your way to be around them.
• You take a day off of work when they’re in town.
• You manage to stay on the phone until 3 in the morning just laughing about random things.
• You drop everyone on your team for them.
• Whenever you get a new text you hope it’s them.
• You re-read all the text you guys exchanged that day just before going to bed.
• You can’t stop laughing when you’re around them.
• You’re willing to try things you never thought about before.
• You speak in future tense about your relationship.  ”Yeah, next year for our anniversary…”
• When someone ask you about them a smile just spreads across your face.
• You accept them for who they are.
• You smiled the entire time while reading this post because you were thinking of them and how REAL this is.